This article was written by 126.96.36.199. Please do not make any changes to this fiction without receiving the author's consent.
|Protagonist:||The Doctor |
|Setting:||9th Century France |
|Original Channel:||That DWF Channel|
The Doctor and Ace return to the TARDIS, and the Doctor hangs his hat up. The Doctor and Ace drink tea and suddenly realize that it's getting cold. Ace makes some more but realises they've run out of milk, so they head off to a French farm in the 9th Century.
They get milk from a cow but are discovered by a milk maid and they run back to the TARDIS.
They then go to a supermarket in 1989 to get milk. However, the Doctor Isn't allowed to buy the milk because he didn't pay for cheese and cat food the other day. He tries to pay but he doesn't have the correct currency, so he runs out and Ace buys the milk.
Outside, Ace and the Doctor are sent to prison by Sergeant Paterson for theft and assault. They escape to the TARDIS using a Time Ring.
They visit a sugar mine but get caught by miners and run back to the TARDIS.
After drinking more tea, Ace suddenly transforms into a Cheetah and vanishes to the Cheetah Planet. The Doctor wakes up and gets attacked by Ace. He gets her to remember her past and she transforms back.
The Doctor gets the TARDIS back by clicking his fingers and then leaves.
Doctor Who: Tea Time
SCENE ONE: TARDIS CORRIDOR
(The Doctor and Ace open the doors and walk across. The Doctor puts his hat on a coat rack.)
Doctor: Actually, it looks better on my head, doesn't it?
(The Doctor puts his hat back on and they walk to the TARDIS Lounges.)
SCENE TWO: TARDIS LOUNGES
(Later, The Doctor and Ace drink tea in the TARDIS lounges.)
Doctor: Ace, something terrible is happening.
Ace: What’s terrible, Professor?
The Doctor: The tea’s getting cold.
Ace: Yeah, it is. You must've left the kettle on when you were making some more.
Doctor: Oh no. All because of your talking.
Ace: I'm never going to drink this piece of rubbish. I’ll have to make some more.
Ace (Calling): Professor, we’ve run out of milk.
Doctor (Calling from the lounge): Well we’ll just have to get some, shan't we?
SCENE THREE: A FRENCH FARM, 9th CENTURY
Ace: A French farm?
Doctor (Correcting Ace): A French farm in the 9th Century.
Ace: And where are we going to find milk?
Doctor: The cow’s udders.
Ace: Couldn’t you use a supermarket?
Doctor: Yes, but I like to do it the fun way. Come on!
(They enter the farm.)
SCENE FOUR: MILKING ROOM
(Ace squeezes the cow's udders.)
Ace (To the Doctor): Do I have to do everything?
(A farmer enters.)
Farmer: Hey! What are you doing here?
Doctor and Ace: Umm…
(They run out of the farm followed by the farmer.)
SCENE FIVE: A FRENCH FARM, 9th CENTURY
Farmer: Get out! No trespassers allowed on my farm! Cockroaches!
(The farmer stands at the gate, whilst the Doctor and Ace continue walking.)
Ace: Where to now?
Doctor: The supermarket.
SCENE SIX: HAPPY SHOPPER SUPERMARKET
(The Doctor and Ace enter. At the counter is shopkeeper Len. Inside, the Doctor walks to the milk shelf. Harvey, Len’s assistant is labeling some Andrex toilet paper multi-packs. The Doctor walks up to him.)
Doctor (To Harvey): Which one of these brands will make my tea just irresistible?
(Harvey turns around.)
(He notices the Doctor is the customer.)
Hey, it’s you! You’re the one who didn’t pay for the cheese and cat food the other day! You can only have that milk if you pay us… (To Len) Len! How much cash does that little Scotsman have to pay us?
Len (To Harvey): Which one?
Harvey (To Len): The one with the weird accent and refused to pay us for the cat food and cheese.
Len (To Harvey): Ten pounds.
Doctor (To Harvey): Ok.
(The Doctor takes out his wallet and gives Harvey a 1920s £10 note.)
Harvey: That’s a fake.
(The Doctor takes a Scottish £1 note out of his wallet and hands Harvey the Scottish £1 note.)
Harvey: We don’t accept Scottish money here.
(The Doctor looks inside his wallet and finds out there’s no cash in there.)
Doctor: I can’t pay up. I’ll just… Run!
Len: Oi! We'll have the police on you, y'know.
(He slows down when he reaches Ace.)
Doctor: (To Ace) Ace, you buy the milk!
Ace: Ok, Professor!
(The Doctor runs out of the shop.)
Ace (To Harvey): Can I have that milk, please?
Harvey: Sure love, Len’s at the counter.
SCENE SEVEN: A STREET IN PERIVALE
(Sergeant Paterson cycles his bike. He stops when he sees the Doctor.)
Sergeant Paterson: Hey, it's you! We've been hearing you've been shoplifting from that shop over there.
(He points to Happy Shopper.)
Doctor: Really? I think you must be mistaken.
Sergeant Paterson: We've been hearing from the shopkeepers in there. I think their names were-
(The Doctor cuts him off.)
Doctor: Len and Harvey.
Sergeant Paterson: Yes, you're right. We can use that as proof.
Sergeant Paterson: Damn indeed.
(Sergeant Paterson takes some handcuffs from his pockets and puts them on the Doctor. Ace exits the shop. Ace runs to them.)
Ace: Oi! The Doctor is no criminal!
Sergeant Paterson: He's been shoplifting from the shop over there!
Ace: Ah. Right.
Sergeant Paterson: You won't be seeing your friend for a little while.
Ace: I don't think so.
(Ace attempts to kick him in the crotch but is stopped by Paterson.)
Sergeant Paterson: Oi! If you do that, you'll both be going to jail.
Sergeant Paterson: Assaulting a police officer.
Ace: But it's just your balls!
Sergeant Paterson: Sorry, but that still counts.
SCENE EIGHT: POLICE STATION
(The Doctor and Ace are put in a Cell.)
Ace: You can't do this!
Sergeant Paterson: I'm sorry, but we can.
(Sergeant Paterson exits.)
Ace: Got a plan Doctor?
Doctor: Nope. Other than digging with a plastic spoon, nothing.
(Ace takes a Time Ring out of her pockets.)
Ace: What about this?
Doctor: Of course!
(They activate the Time Ring.)
SCENE NINE: SPACE
(The Doctor and Ace float through space holding the Time Ring.)
SCENE TEN: A STREET IN PERIVALE
(The Doctor and Ace appear. They get stopped by Len and Harvey.)
Len: You again?
Doctor: Yes. And if you don't mind, I've got some things to be getting on with.
(They run off.)
(They enter the TARDIS.)
SCENE ELEVEN: TARDIS LOUNGES
(The TARDIS humming sound is heard. Ace is making tea.)
Ace (Calling, Off-camera.): Professor, we’ve run out of sugar!
Doctor: Ok, it’s off to the sugar mines.
SCENE TWELVE: SUGAR MINES
(Ace is drilling through some ground.)
Doctor (Shouting): You can stop drilling now!
Ace: What? Can I stop drilling now?
Doctor (Shouting): Yes! I already told you to stop drilling!
(They get stopped by some miners.)
Miner: Excuse me?
Miner: What are you doing here?
Doctor: We're umm…
(The Doctor and Ace run back to the TARDIS.)
SCENE THIRTEEN: TARDIS LOUNGES
(The Doctor and Ace are drinking tea.)
Doctor: Mmmm… That’s good tea!
Ace: What do you mean? It tastes salty!
Doctor: Oh no. I must've accidentally put some salt in it. Silly me.
Ace: I'd better make some more.
SCENE FOURTEEN: TARDIS KITCHENS
(She looks at the ingredients.)
Ace: Oh no, we're out.
(She walks back to the lounges.)
SCENE FIFTEEN: TARDIS LOUNGES
Ace: We're out.
Doctor: Looks like we'd better get some more then.
Ace: Oh no. No more squeezing of a cow's udders. No more getting milk and getting arrested. No more drilling in a sugar mine. Why can't we have some more food?
Doctor: You’ve already had ten slices of cake, two tea cakes, five smiley biscuits, three chocolate bourbons and a bag of McCoy’s crisps. How could you possibly want more?
(Ace opens her mouth, revealing fangs.)
Ace (Shouting): I want food!
Doctor: No! Not the Cheetah virus!
(Ace starts to walk up to the Doctor trying to attack him.)
Noooooooooooooooooo! Ace, if we fight like animals, we’ll die like animals!
(They disappear with a white flash.)
SCENE SIXTEEN: CHEETAH PLANET
(The Doctor is lying on the ground. He sits up.)
(Ace is standing about a metre away from the Doctor. She opens her mouth, revealing fangs.)
Ace: I want food!
(She pushes the Doctor to the ground and rolls him downhill.)
Doctor: Ace, calm down! Just calm down! And where are you taking me?
Ace: To the lake. To drown you. To get prey.
Doctor: That’s not a very good way to get prey then, is it? I might fall to the bottom and you won’t be able to get me. Cats don’t like water, do they?
Ace: I’m not a cat.
Doctor: Yes, but you’re becoming one. Well, a cheetah, that is. Anyway, why don’t you attack me? Or shoot me with bows and arrows?
Ace: I want food!
Doctor: Yes, but you don’t want wet food, do you?
(Ace pushes the Doctor into the lake.)
Ace! Just calm down! You….
(The Doctor manages to get out of the water, with his clothes now soggy.)
Ace! You idiot! You nearly drowned me! I wish you could just calm down and get back to the TARDIS!
Ace: When I’ve had my food!
Doctor: Well why don’t you have a tin of cat food then?! How about some cheese? Cats like cheese, don’t they?
Ace: I’m a cheetah, and I want food!
(Ace leaps onto the Doctor and he falls to the ground. Blood is on his cheek. The Doctor’s anger rises.)
Doctor: I’m bleeding! Look what you’ve done! Now just calm down!
(The Doctor stands up and Ace approaches the Doctor.)
Calm down! Just do deep slow breaths! Deep…. Slow…. Breaths…
(Ace changes back to normal.)
Ace: How are we supposed to get back to the TARDIS?
Doctor: Well, I’m sure it’ll find a way.
SCENE SEVENTEEN: 1920S STREET
(The local tram braked at its stop and the people got off. No one was waiting for a tram at the stop. Instead of a sign labelled ‘Tram Stop’, there was the TARDIS. The TARDIS dematerialises.)
SCENE EIGHTEEN: CHEETAH PLANET
(The TARDIS materializes on the Cheetah Planet.)
Ace: How did it do that?
Doctor: Well, let’s just say it’s Time Lord magic.
(The Doctor smiles.)
SCENE NINETEEN: TARDIS WARDROBE
(The Doctor washes off his blood.)
Doctor: There, nice and clean. I'd better put a shirt on.
(He opened the wardrobe door to replace his shirt. Among the coat hangers was a sign reading ‘Tram Stop’.)
Doctor: Oh no, I wish I didn't materialise the TARDIS by the Tram Stop.
(Cue long Sylvester credits theme.)